Water Fountains of Truth

I got a huge chuckle out of the labels on the bottles of flavored water we bought recently. I'm the sort of person who enjoys the ads sometimes more than the actual TV show. Must be something to do with my journalism background and loving clever writing. So anyway...

Here are the actual labels from the bottles of Glaceau vitaminwater:

power-c
dragonfruit (c + taurine)

legally, we are prohibited from making exaggerated claims about the potency of the nutrients in this bottle. therefore, legally we wouldn't tell you that after drinking this, eugene from kansas started using horseshoes as a thighmaster or that this drink gave agnes from delaware enough strength to bench press llamas. heck, we can't even tell you this drink gives you the power to do a thousand pinkie pushups... just ask mike in queens.

legally, we can't say stuff like that -- 'cause that would be wrong, you know?

vitamins + water = all you need. for best results, stick it in the fridge. the inside is natural. the outside is plastic.

essential
orange-orange (c + calcium)

ah, orange juice commercials. funny stuff. mom cheerily prepares some huge breakfast while the rest of her family sleeps. sure, this could happen. but every morning? please. maybe if mom were heavily medicated, in which case, we wouldn't condone operating a stove or any electrical appliance.

for those of us who don't live in an orange juice commercial, there's still a way to get your morning nutrition. this product has calcium and lots of vitamin c, so you can get your day started right, minus the whole stepford mom thing.

vitamins + water = all you need. for best results, stick it in the fridge. the inside is natural. the outside is plastic.

Makes you want to buy some more just to read the labels, huh?