Monday Musings: Stop the World...I Want to Get Off

When I was a teen, my mom would take my sisters and me to visit my grandmother (mom's mom) in Rehoboth Beach, Delaware, where she lived. We'd go for 3 or 4 days, and one of the evenings would be spent on the boardwalk, eating ice cream, saltwater taffy, and French fries, buying t-shirts, and riding the rides in the arcade/amusement area. 

I remember one year we all climbed on to a spinning ride that went really fast forward and sideways and then stopped to go the same way backwards. I rode in the same car as my mom, and, to my mortification, she made the controller stop the ride so she could get off...which meant I got off, too. I was totally ungracious to her and remained embarrassed and a bit miffed that she couldn't stay on for a few more minutes for most of the rest of the evening.

It wasn't until years later that I rode on a ride (one I'd ridden many many times before) and suddenly understood the feeling of sheer panic that can run through you without any warning. It's nonsensical to those who don't understand. There's no rhyme or reason for it, but it takes over and consumes your reasoning until you have to change where you are or what you're doing to even get a tiny handle on sanity again. 

I blame it on hormones.

Funny, right? Not really. Not even slightly. It can be internally terrifying until you ground yourself again.

Fast forward to my own motherhood. I have often complained lamented mentioned in other posts on here that I feel like I'm barely hanging on to this ride called "Life" that sweeps the kids away into adulthood. I often occasionally wish that it would slow down (or even pause) to let me catch my breath. It's an odd sensation, not unlike my poor mom wanting to get off the ride that was terrifying her, making her feel dizzy.

I am dizzy.

I don't know if it's because the beginning of a child's life seems painfully slow that the race to the adulthood seems to speed up exponentially.

There's a saying many older parents use: The days are long, but the years are short.

So how is it that we are a less than three weeks away from graduating our youngest child...and our last homeschool student? How have we managed to finish this chapter so fast? Was it fast? Or is my perspective just skewed by living nearly 55 years of life? I don't remember the years flying by when I was a teenager. In fact, most of the time, they seemed to drag by with all of us anticipating the next phase with the common impatience of youth.

Stuart asked me the other day: "What's next for you?"

It was a hard question to answer...and one that was met with a lot of emotions.

What IS next? 

It's not something I really considered. I've been a stay-at-home mom for so long now, I don't really know how to redefine myself yet.

I guess I wish the wasn't "the end" of our homeschool journey, not because I want to hold back our son...but because I have so much more I want to learn with him.

The days are long, but not long enough, and the years are most certainly too short.

Sigh.

Thanksgiving Thoughts

It has long been thought that we shouldn’t have just one day for being thankful. And, indeed, in reality we do not. We are thankful all year long in lots of ways. 

For me, this year’s holiday brings with it some grieving along with thanksgiving. I remember that this is the first Thanksgiving without my Uncle Bob and my friends, Norma and Kelly. I think of my Aunt Barbi and cousin Marshall and Norma’s brother and his family and Kelly’s husband and children. I can’t imagine how empty that chair once occupied by those loved ones will feel this year.

 

And this year will be our first without two of our kids joining us as they each celebrate with their significant other’s family. It’s absolutely right and good that they get to do that (I never had to do that because of Stuart’s family all being in England), but it still feels hard and heavy for me to handle. I know it will get easier as the years progress, but I’m still struggling at having a mostly empty nest.

 

Sometimes the grief hits me in waves of tears as I look at the photos of them when they were younger or watch videos of other people with their “littles.” Sometimes it’s just a numbness, making me go through the motions of existing. I remember reading about “empty nest syndrome” when I was a younger mom and thinking of how nice it would be to have some breathing room…

 

Breathing room. Ha. What I would give now for one more crushing pile-up hug from all of them. 

 

The very essence of motherhood is raising kids to let them go. It’s right and good and as it should be. Right after that final push of releasing them from my womb, we had but 18 years to love and raise them in the safety net of our family unit. I knew from the start it would be hard – both along the way and when it was time to let them go – I guess I didn’t realize just how hard it would be.

 

The problem for me, and many moms like me, is that I ended up building my life around my kids and their activities. They learned at home. We went on errands and adventures together. I did their laundry and bought their favorite foods and drinks. Sure, it got harder to keep up with all of it once they got older and scattered around the area. But it gave me a purpose, which I still very much have with our 16-year-old, but it’s just shrunken down to fit one kid now, instead of three. And when you’ve been stretched to keep up with three there’s a lot of extra room for rattling around with just one. And the dynamic changes.

 

All of this is not to say that I regret any of it. As I tell my kids now, I love them more than I ever loved them as little people because I’ve loved them longer now. I love them for who they were but also for who they are at this very moment.

 

In reflecting on the holiday and being without them, I can thank God for all the holidays we had together with them. I can thank God that they can celebrate as adults with more people who love them, that they can cook in their own homes and share good food together with more than just us. 

 

That is good and right and as it should be.

 

Happy Thanksgiving!

Saturday Sweethearts

A week from today, these two smiling cherubs will be graduating from college. Both will hold bachelor's degrees and both will be looking for jobs in their respective fields, essentially signaling to the world that they are indeed adults, they've made it, done it.

My job as their "mommy" is finished. I'll never stop being their mom, of course, but we are equals now, learnéd adults with professional degrees and, for them, new places to call home. In my mind and heart, they are still the little smiling faces in some of these photos. I never want them to go back to that because I'm madly in love with who they've become and who they're going to continue growing to be. But I sometimes wish for a few more moments with them at those stages, just to soak in their giggles and silliness and sweetness and love.

There are a thousand things I wish I could have done with them and for them. A million things I wish I could have taught them. A bazillion times I wish I'd listened better. Still in all, they're awesome human beings. And I praise God (not for the first time!) for allowing me to be their mother. 

 

S-s-s-s-seven!

How did we get here? I'm not sure, but today is the day...

...and Ethan Samuel is officially...

7!!

 

Happiest of Birthdays to our fun and precious "caboose,"

the "baby toe" on our Foote, our Ethster Bunny.

 

We love you so very very much!

Saturday Sweethearts

My three sweethearts!

A blast from the past. This was from 2011 or 2012. It's amazing how much they've changed over the years. You think they do the most changing when they're babies, and they probably do. But during the years that follow there's a lot of change happening.

Here are a few more:

And most recently:

December 2014

Mom Law

There are some things in life that defy explanation. One such thing is something I've deemed the "Mom Law of the Universe," and that's the compulsion of moms everywhere to say things that apparently don't need to be said. That are so blatantly obvious or unnecessary that they provoke the stereotypical teenager "eyeroll and sigh."

Com'on, Moms. You know what I'm talking about. Uh-huh. Yup. Been there, done that, right?

Yet somehow, despite the fact that we know our kids would never do whatever we're about to ask them not to do, we have to say it. At this point, it's not even a matter that self-control could stop.

We. Have. To. Say. It.

For instance, when they leave for a visit with friends, we always say "Behave." or "Be good." Really, if we didn't say it, would they act like monsters?

Maybe it stems from the fact that we have to constantly remind them of such things when they're toddlers. No one comes into the world knowing the rules of the road, so to speak. Most kids, as toddlers, will touch things unless they are reminded not to touch ahead of time. More often than not, kids will not remember to use their inside voice in a theatre the first time they go to see the symphony. Nor will they sit in a seat and eat a meal if they are not told that that's what we do. It's just not part of their makeup.

Just because they see other people doing it doesn't mean they'll know that that's what they're supposed to do, too. There's too much distracting them.

So at what point do we stop reminding them? Surely, they've learned a bit since toddlerhood. And even more surely we should have learned what they've learned since toddlerhood.

Since I haven't quite gotten to that part of motherhood, I honestly can't say. Though I can say with some certainty that the urge happens a little less often...either that, or it's getting easier for the kids to "smile and wave" instead of roll eyes and sigh.

But whatever the reason, we remind them, for goodness sake, be good!

Throwback Thursday

I found this in the drafts on my blog...and it was slated to be published on December 18th...2008.

Birthday Blessing

I've been blessed with a birthday buddy.

Well, to be honest, I have many, many birthday buddies, some of whom I actually know. With only 365 days in a year, there aren't a lot of choices for making our debut, right? We're bound to hit somebody else's birthday.

But this birthday buddy is special because I gave birth to this buddy.

Emily Susanne:

17 years ago today.

It's not MY day. It's YOUR day. It's OUR day. Before God created the world, He knew exactly which day you would arrive...and I would arrive. It just so happened that He chose those days to be exactly the same.

Thank you for sharing your special day with me. I love you even more for it!

.......................

I remember turning 17. I remember being 17. Wow! How can I be a mom of someone that age?

So much -- good and bad -- is happening in your life. So many exciting -- and daunting -- changes lay ahead. So much excitement. Be glad. Feel blessed. God has given you a gift!

Here is a poem (one of my very favorites) by Minnie Louise Haskins that might help you as you embark on this new age:

God Knows

And I said to the man who stood at the gate of the year: “Give me a light that I may tread safely into the unknown.”

And he replied: “Go out into the darkness and put your hand into the Hand of God. That shall be to you better than light and safer than a known way.”

So I went forth, and finding the Hand of God, trod gladly into the night. And He led me towards the hills and the breaking of day in the lone East.

So heart be still:
What need our little life
Our human life to know,
If God hath comprehension?
In all the dizzy strife
Of things both high and low,
God hideth His intention.

God knows. His will
Is best. The stretch of years
Which wind ahead, so dim
To our imperfect vision,
Are clear to God. Our fears
Are premature; In Him,
All time hath full provision.

Then rest: until
God moves to lift the veil
From our impatient eyes,
When, as the sweeter features
Of Life’s stern face we hail,
Fair beyond all surmise
God’s thought around His creatures
Our mind shall fill.

Whoosh!

So life is speeding by at an incredible rate! (Not like I haven't said that before...)

We've only just started school, but we're already hitting the ground with our sprinting shoes on. We're immersed in the middle of the high school soccer season and drama club just started and Emi is getting the school newspaper up and running again...and...and...and...

Remind me again: I am a STAY-AT-HOME mom, right?

Thankfully, we gave Ethan time off from school this week. He is between first and second grade, and since he schools year 'round, we thought a much-needed break was in order. He'll start again the day after his 6th birthday.

Sigh.................

SIXTH birthday!! Wasn't this kid just born? How on earth did we get here so fast?

From this:

To this:

See what I mean about hanging on tight during this awesome and crazy ride called parenthood?

Here are some photos from this week:

Edward at a home JV soccer game.

Still smiling even though they lost. "I think we played really well," he said. 

So proud of him!

We've hit the two-sandwich stage of Edward's life.

Emi helped out as an assistant coach at tonight's U8 soccer practice.

Think someone liked his U8 soccer practice? 

Guess who his coaches are?

Another writer joined Voices last Saturday!!

Proud sister with her "little" brother before their first Voices meeting of the year.

I sure do love these kids!! 

The best thing about being in the blog world is seeing all the fantastic moms and dads out there who love their kids with their whole hearts, too. It gives one reason to hope!

Saturday Sweethearts

From the First Day of School on Tuesday:

Love these sweeties with my whole heart!

Friday Funnies (from the 5-year-old)

Two Ethanisms:

The other night, Ethan was praying before our devotions and said, "Help us to apply what we learn to our lives." Afterwards, I asked him if he knew what "apply" meant, wondering if he was just repeating what he'd already heard. He nodded and said it meant "to put something to use." We were all visibly impressed by this, so he fist-pumped the air and said, "Vocabulary for the win!" 

Talking about a musical toy that has a dog sound that you can use instead of the normal musical instruments, Ethan told me that they must have had to use a lot of dogs to make all the songs since "there are 20 pre-recorded songs!" I asked him how he thought they trained all those dogs to sing like that, and he said, "I have no idea!"

Love the innocence and magic of childhood. He never ceases to make us smile and laugh!

Remembering...

This is one of the best ads I've seen in a long time. Advice to new parents...and good reminders to "old" parents.

Four things you give your kids: Time (give it liberally); education (take it seriously); spirituality (make it real); and love (the others pale in comparison).

Enjoy!

Three-Year-Old Lawyers

My hubby and I were talking about children the other day. (It's a popular topic for us, given the fact that we have three of them.)

We discussed how people warned us about two-year-olds and the "Terrible Twos," trembling like they'd survived a horrific zombie attack and lived to tell the tales.

We laughed the first time, when our oldest was about 14 months old. "Riiiight," we said to each other because we'd subscribed to the notion that the "twos" would be "terrific."

And they were.

Then came three.

It's not that our sweet, adorable, angel-faced daughter sudden turned demonic. Not in the slightest. She just learned to talk.

And with talking came curiosity.

And with curiosity came questioning.

And then...came...arguing.

Now, arguing, in and of itself, is not a bad thing. Depending on how it's done, a person can learn a lot of good things, most importantly maturity and humility.

But when you're three and your language and thinking skills are still developing, those aren't the first things you're going to learn. In fact, you probably aren't going to learn much, except how to drive your parents batty, which, for the record, will come in really handy when they're future lawyers.

Now, 13, 9, and 2 years later (respectively), our little lawyers are still going at it. They're very curious and love to question things. And they still love to argue. (No one plans a career in law.)

But we, their parents, have learned a few things along the way.

Sometimes, when the arguing starts to get to us, we just smile.

One day, they'll have their own three-year-old lawyers.

*  *  *

How did you survive the toddler/preschool years with your little ones?

I'm (Trying to Be) Baaaaaa-aaaaack...in the Saddle Again

Happy mid-March Monday to you! (How's that for alliteration?)

I don't know about you, but I really wish we didn't observe Daylight Savings Time. It really messes with the head. It's like having jet lag without going anywhere. Still in all, it's here and in a few days we won't remember that we're an hour ahead of Eastern Standard Time...still, idle grass...

So, what's been happening in your little corner of the world?

It's been awhile, to say the least. And I promise to catch up...if not today, then soon.

I had high hopes for today. I promised to publish something today, right?

But some days are days that try men's (or women's) souls....if you know what I mean.

Until later...

Saturday Sweetheart

It's always so amazing how quickly our children grow. 

This is Edward, our 11-year-old sweetheart. His is one of the most imaginative, funny, quick-learning boys I've ever known. He has a heart as big as a canyon, and he desires to be a missionary pilot when he grows up. I don't know if God will call him to do that, but it warms my heart to hear him talk about it.

I know he feels a bit slighted at times by his big sister and little brother seeming to get all the attention, so I wanted to honor him with this post today because sometimes -- more often than I like -- I forget the treasures I have right in my own house. 

We get so busy looking around on other people's blogs or on Facebook...and the best-est stuff ever is sitting right next to us.

Love you, Budboy!

Friend or Foe...or Somewhere in Between? - Part 1

It's a funny thing with kids and friends.

I'm not sure if it's the area in which we live or yet another sign of the times...but our kids can't seem to find friends.

They have lots of acquaintances -- and friends-on-the-surface -- but honest-to-goodness BFFs seem scarce these days. At least in our little microcosm.

When I was a kid we moved a lot...and by a lot, I mean: A LOT.  Every so many years we were uprooted and moving to a new neighborhood, where for the most part we had to find our own kind to hang with. My mom never set up "play dates" or walked us door-to-door.

We went to school...met people on the bus...were involved in clubs...or even walked ourselves around the neighborhood knocking on doors and asking if there were any kids on the premises who might be available to play with us. I guess we knew no shame?

I can't say it was my favorite thing to do, and I was awfully glad to have a big sister to walk around with, especially since she did most of the talking. Of course, she ended up with most of the friends, too. Go figure.

Over the years, we met a few nice people...a few mean people...a few people who started off nice and ended up mean...and a few people that fluctuated between the two, veering mostly towards nice.  It was an interesting way to grow up.

My point has nothing to do with a comparison of my kidhood versus the kidhood my own sweeties are experiencing. My point is merely about friends.  There's no set formula for how it happens. (I truly wish there was.) In my own experience, you're just nice to somebody similar in age and hope that they'll be nice back.

And being nice might mean chatting with them, getting together with them, praying for them, etc.  I remind them that friendship is like a flower, in that sometimes it takes time to blossom and bloom.

So this is what we teach our kids...it just hasn't produced any "fruit" yet.

To be continued....

Color Me Happy

Sometimes -- not all the time, which is probably a blessing -- a good deal comes along on Groupon or LivingSocial or even our local newspaper's "Big Deals." (I think we'd go poor if they came along too often.)

That said, we got an awesome deal this past spring for four tickets to the Crayola Experience. (It used to be just the Crayola Factory...but adding "experience" makes it seem all the more exciting, I guess?)

A.W.E.S.O.M.E.

I love crayons. I love coloring. (In college, I used to use coloring as a study break...and give all of my friends coloring books and crayons for their birthdays or Christmas.) I love doing crafts with my kids, though I'm kinda lazy so it doesn't happen as often as they (or I) would like.

So tickets to Crayola? Score!

The cost was $20 for the four tickets, plus $10 off a $30 purchase at the store. We went there last September for Ethan's first-ever birthday adventure, and the tickets then were $10 each.  They recently went up to $12 each, so I think we got a great deal.

To avoid crowds (bwhahaha!), we'd planned to go there when Stuart traveled to Kansas in mid-June. It didn't expire until early July so there wouldn't be too mad a rush. Perfect, right?

Hmm...

So last Friday, a mere three days before the coupon (a coupon I feel sure a BILLION others also bought) expired, we headed to Easton, Pa., to experience Crayola again.

Still in all, we had an awesome time together. We got there when the factory opened and didn't have to wait to do any of the projects. We got front seats to watch the "how they're made" show about crayons and markers and even managed to quickly snag our Happy Meals and head outside to sit under a tree for an impromptu picnic. (Though it was VERY hot last Friday.)

A colorful day of colorful fun in a colorful place!

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Saturday Sweethearts

I took this photo a long time ago (pre-Ethan) for the front a celebrity "dad" book we got for Stuart. All of the photos featured in the book were black-and-white close-ups. I liked how each photo captured the true feelings/emotions of that snapshot of time. I think (hopefully) I achieved the same thing.

A Graduated Sadness

Our one and only nephew -- the first grandchild on my side of the family -- graduated from high school yesterday.

...

Graduated. From. High. School.

[Insert shocked and sad face here.]

It seems to me that he only just started kindergarten a few months ago. He was playing with "his guys" and fire trucks and talking about "geckos" and "tids."  How is it even possible that he could be finished his secondary education?

We weren't able to go to the ceremony since he went to a HUGE high school with an even HUGER amount of students graduating and each family only got six tickets. My family alone would have used most of those...not leaving any for his parents and grandparents, who definitely "outrank" aunts, uncles, and cousins.

Still, I was thinking about him ALL day, remembering that he is really truly finished with this phase of his life...moving into the next zone...nearly completely into adulthood. I know his parents feel it far more than me.

Sigh.

It's so hard to watch kids grow up....and this is a really cool guy who really did grow up and up and up to 6'7".

He's going to study engineering at Grove City College in the fall, and we know he'll do great! We're SO proud of him!

It's moments like these that make you sit back and take stock of your own life.

Our kids are just about to finish school for the year.

Emily is heading into her sophomore year of high school, which means she is really truly a high-schooler...not a "beginner" anymore, and Edward is moving to 6th grade, his last year of elementary school before junior high school. Ethan will be 4 in September...old enough to start full-time school in England. We're considering his education already. Already?

How did we get to each of these points already?

Weren't they just born? Just learning to sit up and babbling in babytalk and trying food for the first time?

Those days feel like ages and ages ago now... And, in reality, I suppose they really were ages ago.

I guess it's just another reminder for us to enjoy these days -- the here and now.

Billy Joel said it best when he sang that "this is the time to remember...'cuz it will not last forever. These are the days to hold onto, 'cuz we won't although we'll want to."

I really want to hold onto them....

5. When Fights Happen...Make Cookies

When I first read out loud this post on "16 Lessons Learned in Marriage," my daughter encouraged me to elaborate on each one, especially since they really truly authentically are lessons I have indeed actually really learned in the years that I've been happily hitched to my hubby.

I thought about it, but then I decided that I'd have 16 more ready-made subjects to blog about later on down the road. Perfect, right? I thought you'd agree.

5. When fights happen...make cookies.

There have been times in our marriage when we've had a disagreement of sorts. Nothing serious. Nothing out of the ordinary. Just a mild skirmish that ends...well, that ends in the proverbial "Mexican Standoff."

Early in our marriage, Stuart and I would have one of these moments. I would end up doing what we later dubbed as a "monologue," and he would go quiet...and then we'd both stay silent for hours. No kidding. And then -- wait for it...I'm not joking you -- he'd fall asleep.

I mean, what better way to end a feud than to close your eyes and start to snore?

Not much shows loving, caring, understanding, and willingness to work things out like the sound of "Zzzzs" reverberating from our easy chair.

Sigh.

Usually, I'd end up a bit more perturbed than before.

(Go figure.)

But then something would happen.

I'd get this incredible urge to go into the kitchen and clean it up. Do all the dishes. Scour the table and counters. And then...make cookies.

It's like the idea of sharing something soft, warm, and sweet would melt the frustrations mounting between us.

And it worked.

(Go figure.)  

Sometimes -- though I'm sure more rarely in other households -- we have little tiffs with our kids, as well. Little disagreements that blow out of proportion, causing us to second-guess any funds we're putting towards vacation plans and instead put that money into a houseboat fund that would allow us as parents to stay -- childless -- offshore just for a decade year month few days for the sake of our sanity.

Just sometimes, mind you.

So a funny thing happened this morning....a mere few hours after a slightly large row happened between said children and myself....

I found myself baking...banana bread.

I woke up remembering the frustrations I'd had at them last night and suddenly had the urge to make something warm, sweet, and yummy.

And it worked. A lot of laughter was heard around the table as we devoured the freshly baked goodness.

So remember, when you fight -- and you know you will at some point -- go bake something yummy. It'll be worth the effort. I promise!