5. When Fights Happen...Make Cookies

When I first read out loud this post on "16 Lessons Learned in Marriage," my daughter encouraged me to elaborate on each one, especially since they really truly authentically are lessons I have indeed actually really learned in the years that I've been happily hitched to my hubby.

I thought about it, but then I decided that I'd have 16 more ready-made subjects to blog about later on down the road. Perfect, right? I thought you'd agree.

5. When fights happen...make cookies.

There have been times in our marriage when we've had a disagreement of sorts. Nothing serious. Nothing out of the ordinary. Just a mild skirmish that ends...well, that ends in the proverbial "Mexican Standoff."

Early in our marriage, Stuart and I would have one of these moments. I would end up doing what we later dubbed as a "monologue," and he would go quiet...and then we'd both stay silent for hours. No kidding. And then -- wait for it...I'm not joking you -- he'd fall asleep.

I mean, what better way to end a feud than to close your eyes and start to snore?

Not much shows loving, caring, understanding, and willingness to work things out like the sound of "Zzzzs" reverberating from our easy chair.

Sigh.

Usually, I'd end up a bit more perturbed than before.

(Go figure.)

But then something would happen.

I'd get this incredible urge to go into the kitchen and clean it up. Do all the dishes. Scour the table and counters. And then...make cookies.

It's like the idea of sharing something soft, warm, and sweet would melt the frustrations mounting between us.

And it worked.

(Go figure.)  

Sometimes -- though I'm sure more rarely in other households -- we have little tiffs with our kids, as well. Little disagreements that blow out of proportion, causing us to second-guess any funds we're putting towards vacation plans and instead put that money into a houseboat fund that would allow us as parents to stay -- childless -- offshore just for a decade year month few days for the sake of our sanity.

Just sometimes, mind you.

So a funny thing happened this morning....a mere few hours after a slightly large row happened between said children and myself....

I found myself baking...banana bread.

I woke up remembering the frustrations I'd had at them last night and suddenly had the urge to make something warm, sweet, and yummy.

And it worked. A lot of laughter was heard around the table as we devoured the freshly baked goodness.

So remember, when you fight -- and you know you will at some point -- go bake something yummy. It'll be worth the effort. I promise!

16 Lessons Learned in Marriage

Today, my honey and I celebrate 16 years of wedded bliss.

16.

Sixteen.

We've known each other for 24 years this year -- dating for roughly 23 of those. (The first year we just giggled at each other -- one thinking the other was a geek and the other thinking the one was a snob...I'll let you guess who's is who.)

It's amazing to think that 16 years have passed since we said our "I do"s...16 years since I walked down the aisle promising myself that I would remember every second of it...and I WOULD. NOT. CRY...hmm...


In honor of the 16 years, I decided to compile a list of 16 "lessons" (really) learned during our years of marriage.

Ready? Here goes:

1. Don't take yourself too seriously.
2. Love doesn't make the world go 'round...but it helps.
3. Never stop making time for each other.
4. Fights happen.
5. When fights happen...make cookies.
6. Be honest with each other.
7. Never give in to the attitude of the world. Marriage is hard work but very much worth it.
8. Marriage before kids is...."boring."
9. No matter how well you thought you knew yourself before marriage...you didn't.
10. Time apart is sometimes necessary...and healthy.
11. Take time to remember your dating years.
12. Share your stories and experiences -- both good and bad -- with your children.
13. Realize -- and accept -- that you're going to make mistakes.
14. Have fun together.
15. Remember the "good ol' days"...because you're living them now.
16. Always be your spouse's BFF.

Worded (Slightly) Wednesday

Happiest 25th Anniversary to my sister and her hubby!

The Marriage Secret...

Shhh....

Don't tell anyone this...

But I'm about to tell you the secret of a good marriage......

..................

I don't believe that we possess any secret to a good marriage.

When Stuart and I did our premarital counselling, the pastor said that there would be ups and downs...topics that were hard to deal with and kids and time issues...and...and...

It was enough to make a person second-guess the idea of getting married.

But if you can face all that (and more), then you're on your way to a good marriage, right?

Wrong.

God is what makes a good marriage, our pastor went on to say.  If He is the center of it all then the rest will "fall into place."

Easy, right?

Wrong.

One of the studies we participated in while at our old church was on the Gary Smalley book, Love Is a Decision. (Awesome book if you've never read it!)

Love and marriage take work. There's never a moment when you can just slack off and say, "Forget it. He (or she) can love me now. I'm so finished." It's tempting at times...but very damaging.

Smalley said that love is a decision that we must make moment by moment. Sometimes we'll make the right choice...sometimes we won't.

But it's a choice.

Love is more than just saying "I love you."

It's choosing to make time for each other...as hard as that is sometimes. It's not being satisfied with the status quo.

But it's also the giving of time.

Sometimes we need those moments to be alone, especially after a grueling day of work or with the kids. It's allowing that person some space to regroup and "rejuice" away from the hubbub of family life.

And it's building specialness into the ordinary, seeing the beauty where it might not be visible in a flashy neon way and finding the fun in the simple stuff.

Stuart and I decided before we ever had kids that we would try to make time for each other after they went to bed. That meant that they needed to go to bed at a slightly earlier hour than most of their peers -- ie. what our parents would have considered the normal bedtime hour. It didn't always happen (especially if sleep claimed us soon after they went to bed), and it took some practice as we incorporated each one of them into our families' routine.

Sometimes it even meant that we had to change around our own routine... do "our time" while they were still awake, chat over a cup of coffee and a special "adult dessert" while they played together upstairs.

It was never that we didn't want to spend the time with them. We've made family dinnertimes a priority since Day 1.  But we knew we needed that time together...alone.

Easy?

Nope.

Over the nearly 16 years that we've been married, we've had many times when MDT (Mommy-Daddy Time) got thrown out the window. We were too busy, too tired, too whatever.

But we always come back to the idea that we have to find, no, make the time to be together.

In recent years, it started again with the show, 24.  That became our Monday night time together after the kids went to bed. But as the seasons wrapped up, we realized that we would no longer have that time together. So Stuart suggested a "movie night" for us. We would take turns each week to choose a movie that we wanted to share with the other. Fun times, especially when Redbox sent us free movie rentals!

Then came another blessing.

Emily turned 13 and took a babysitting course. We realized that a great way for her to practice was to "babysit" her brothers for us for an hour or so each week. We made that our "game night" at Starbucks. So now she's 14, and she earns a bit of money, and we have some more fun MDT. Sometimes she even does it twice a week.

Win-win, right?

Love is what we all crave.  It's how God created us.

And I, for one, am really glad!!

Musings on Marriage, Mini Vacations, and Monday

Happy last Monday in July! New day, new week, new busyness. Back to the "grind," right?

I always see Monday as the first blank page on a new tablet of paper: fresh, clean, and ready for new adventures... Well, it sounds more positive than just sighing and whining about missing the weekend, right? *grin* It's actually one of my favorite days of the week.

We returned late last night from a wonderful weekend away in Long Island, New York, where we attended the wedding of a "childhood" (more like early "teenhood") friend and had dinner with another dear friend. It was glorious!

The wedding was wonderful to watch. It's always such fun to see people join together in love, and it was so nice to get away to a true "middle-of-nowhere" kind of place. It was SO peaceful and lovely!

We had a good time driving such a distance in our new mini van. (I know. I know. I'm a believer now. The roominess and comfort was unbeatable. We'd only just gone to New York City a few weekends ago in "Speedy"...and the difference was amazing!) We sure put our new car to the test, though, since we had to start our journey home in the middle of a long band of thunder-boomers. The rain was torrential, and there was flooding everywhere. But that was only a small part of the weekend, which was like a mini vacation for us, so we're not complaining.

The wedding was on Saturday and the weather was the polar opposite of yesterday -- bright and sunny with only a hint of humidity. It was held in the outdoor building of a club called the Swan Club. (You can view a slide show of the few photos I was able to take -- due to dying batteries -- down below.) The kids seemed to enjoy themselves and loved watching their adopted "Auntie Sue" get married. They certainly "scrub up nice," huh? *wink*

As does this couple:

We were able to stay in the 22-room summer house -- built in the 1800s -- where Sue rented an apartment. It was immense and old and summery. And the kids absolutely loved it! Especially when Sue told them they could explore it!! Think "Scooby Doo Mansion." It had that sort of charm...in a good way. There also was lots of grass to play in and paths to explore and veggies and flowers to pick. Needless to say, they shed a few tears on our way down the driveway.

The house was at the end of a peninsula overlooking the Sound. We took a short trip over to the one beach and enjoyed about 30 minutes or so there before a huge storm took over and chased us back to the house. But I have to say it was awesome to see the lightning over the water...in the faraway distance, of course.

We had some fun on our drive with Stuart's new GPS -- dubbed "Tom" from the name of the computer voice. Apparently, "Tom" has some sort of secret deal with the Turnpike Commission and oil companies. He had us going some very interesting routes, though Stuart ignored some parts and made him "recalculate." Until the drive home... He forgot to check the route "Tom" had in mind and began to follow it...only to discover it was the route we didn't want to take. Fortunately, Stuart caught on before we ended up going through Philadelphia to the PA Turnpike. We ignored "Tom" for the rest of the trip until he diverted us past a windy shortcut we've always used that isn't very much of a shortcut and is very, very windy. Stuart said he came through in the end. I think "Tom" sighed in relief after this since Stuart had threatened to box him up and return the GPS to the store. *wink*

Heard from the 7-year-old last night: He had to return to the bathroom for the third time during dinner. "You'd think I was the pregnant one."

Think it's time for that "birds-n-bees" talk yet? *wink*

Well, the busyness of finishing the unpacking after our small trip is calling to me. I'd best bid you adieu and get back to it.

A Long Island Wedding

Photos from our trip to Long Island to see Susan's and Sonny's wedding.

Friday Funnies

In honor of my dear, childhood friend's wedding this Saturday, I thought I'd find three funny wedding commercials to post in today's "Friday Funnies" spot. Thankfully, none of these scenarios will play out at her wedding tomorrow. *grin*

Enjoy and have a super, funny Friday!!

Friday Funnies

Enjoy another funny foreign commercial on this hot, summery Friday!

Have you ever wish you had a remote like this? I haven't, of course. I don't need one. *grin*

Enjoy! And have a fun Friday!

Love Actually

Taking a pause in my usual Sweet Sunday posts...to blog about a different kind of "sweet Sunday"...

Today marks our 12th Anniversary...12 years together. It's cliched to say this, but it really has seemed like a blink of an eye.

We met in Shaw Ridge, England, in 1988...two 18-year-olds trying to impress each other -- the English boy with his "cool car" and the American girl with her "coyness"...

It backfired.

I thought he was a geek, and he thought I was a snob.

But something clicked...because 20 years later, here we are together with two beautiful kiddos and one in the "oven." (Does that make us that "classic" American family with 2.5 kids? Just need to build the white picket fence out front. *wink*)

In honor of our anniversary, I dug out and scanned this photo I found behind some other photos in one of our frames. It's from 1992, taken during a visit I made to England while we were dating. Sadly, our friends (on the left) have long since divorced.

Grow Old Along with Me

Grow old along with me...
The best is yet to be~
When our time has come...
We will be as one.

God bless our love...
God bless our love.

Grow old along with me...
Two branches of one tree~
Face the setting sun...
When the day is done.

God bless our love...
God bless our love.

Spending our lives together...
Man and Wife together~
World without end...
World without end.

Grow old along with me...
Whatever fate decrees~
We will see it through...
For our love is true.

God bless our love...
God bless our love.

God bless our love...
God bless our love.

~John Lennon

This photo is from last summer when we hit Philadelphia for a Rocco Deluca and the Burden concert.

We're certainly "growing old" together...and it's wonderful!

Happy Anniversary, A!