From FedEx...with Love

I often get these sorts of things in my e-mailbox and delete them immediately, but this one caught my attention as particularly funny...blame it on pregnancy hormones.

I copied this verbatim because it had some definite "gems" as far as writing errors go. I was "so torn" as to whether or not I should respond to this "very realistic" appeal for my info and my money...though Edward was quick to point out we don't have any "pounds" to give as payment. Shucks!

Read on, and enjoy! My comments are in parenthesis and italics.

Customer Service.
Dear Customer! (I must be important if I get an exclamation point!!)

We have been waiting for you to contact us (Oh, boy! They've been waiting for me!) for your Confirmable Package (I love that A. A. Milne style of capitalizing important words) that is registered with us for shipping to your residential location. We had thought that your sender gave you our contact details. It may interest you to know that a letter is also added to your package. However's (!!), we cannot quote it \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\
(I'm not sure why backslashes are used) content to you via email for privacy reasons. We understand that the content of your package itself is a Bank Draft worth of $800,000.00 USD (the USD added in case you didn't understand the $ sign). As you know, FedEx do not ship money in CASH or in CHEQUES but BankDrafts are shippable. The package is registered with us for mailing by your colleague (now it's a colleague not just a "sender") as claimed, and your colleague explained that he is from the United States but he is here in Nigeria for a three (3) months Surveying Project as he works with a construction firm (So shouldn't I already know this? And don't I work in the same business? We're supposedly colleagues...hmm...) in the Nigeria West Africa We are sending you this email because your package is been registered on a Special Order. What you have to do now, is to contact our Delivery Department for immediate dispatchment of your package to your residencial address. Note that as soon as our Delivery Team confirms your informations, it will take only one working day (24 hours) (for all of you who may not realize that 1 day = 24 hours) for your package to arrive it's \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ designated destination. For your information, the VAT & Shipping charges as well as Insurance fees have been paid by your colleague before your package was registered. Note that the payment that is made on the Insurance, Premium & Clearance Certificates, are to certify that the Bank Draft is not a Drug Affiliated Fund (DAF) (I didn't realize such funds had their own acronym...I'm impressed!) neither is it funds to sponsor Terrorism (Phew! I was worried!) in your country. This will help you avoid any form of query from the Monetary Authority of your country. However, you will have to pay a sum of £100 GBP (Hmm...the payment is in dollars but the fee is in pounds? And my colleague and I are both from the U.S.?) to the FedEx Delivery Department being full payment for the Security Keeping Fee of the FedEx company as stated in our privacy terms & condition page. Also be informed that your colleague wished to pay for the Security Keeping charges, but we do not accept such payment considering the facts that all items & packages that is registered with us have a time limitation and we cannot accept payment having known not when you will be picking up the package or even responding to us. So we cannot take the risk to have accepted such payment in case of any possible demurrage (Wow! Big word...1 : the detention of a ship by the freighter beyond the time allowed for loading, unloading, or sailing 2 : a charge for detaining a ship, freight car, or truck). Kindly note that your colleague did not leave us with any further information. We hope that you respond to us as soon as possible because if you fail to respond until the expiry date of the foremost package, we may refer the package to the British Commission for Welfare (Go for it!!) the package do not have a return address.

Kindly contact the delivery department (FedEx Delivery Post) with the details given below:
Contact Person: Norman Carter
Email: fedex_reliable1967@hotmail.com (Because all FedEx employees have hotmail accounts)
Tel: +234 80-367-31137

Kindly complete the below form and send it to the email address given above. This is mandatory to reconfirm your Postal address and telephone numbers. FULL NAMES:, TELEPHONE:, POSTAL ADDRESS:, CITY:STATE:, COUNTRY:

Kindly complete the above form and summit it to the delivery manager on: fedex_reliable1967@hotmail.com As soon as your details are received, our delivery team will give you the neccessary payment procedure so that you can effect the payment for the Security Keeping Fees. As soon as they confirm your payment receipt of £100 GBP, they will not hesitate to dispatch your package as well as the attahced letter to your residence. It usually takes 24 hours being an over night delivery service.

Note that we were not instructed to email you (so why did you??), but due to the high priority of your package we had to inform you as your sender did not leave us with his phone number because he stated that he just arrived Nigeria and he hasn't \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ fix any phone yet. We indeed personally sealed your Bank Draft and we found your email contact in the attached letter as the recipient of the foremost package (I thought the letter was private). Ensure to contact the delivery department with the email address given above and ensure to fill the above form as well to enable a successful reconfirmation. Do not reply this email because this email account is not monitored. Send your details to: fedex_reliable1967@hotmail.com

Yours Faithfully,
Mrs. Margaret Blaire.
FedEx Online Team Management.

All rights reserved. © 1995-2008 FedEx.----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------This E-mail is only for the above addresses.It may contain confidential or privileged information. If you are not an addresses you must notcopy,distribute, disclose or use any of the information in it or anyattachments.----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------FEDEX INTL>>>

Boy, I'm so enlightened and feel so loved, especially since the subject line on the e-mail said "Hello." The fact that FedEx would contact me with such important news makes me want to break out my British chequebook and write that check...

On second thought...

Dear FedEx:

I'm writing to inform you of someone impersonating...