From FedEx...with Love

I often get these sorts of things in my e-mailbox and delete them immediately, but this one caught my attention as particularly funny...blame it on pregnancy hormones.

I copied this verbatim because it had some definite "gems" as far as writing errors go. I was "so torn" as to whether or not I should respond to this "very realistic" appeal for my info and my money...though Edward was quick to point out we don't have any "pounds" to give as payment. Shucks!

Read on, and enjoy! My comments are in parenthesis and italics.

Customer Service.
Dear Customer! (I must be important if I get an exclamation point!!)

We have been waiting for you to contact us (Oh, boy! They've been waiting for me!) for your Confirmable Package (I love that A. A. Milne style of capitalizing important words) that is registered with us for shipping to your residential location. We had thought that your sender gave you our contact details. It may interest you to know that a letter is also added to your package. However's (!!), we cannot quote it \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\
(I'm not sure why backslashes are used) content to you via email for privacy reasons. We understand that the content of your package itself is a Bank Draft worth of $800,000.00 USD (the USD added in case you didn't understand the $ sign). As you know, FedEx do not ship money in CASH or in CHEQUES but BankDrafts are shippable. The package is registered with us for mailing by your colleague (now it's a colleague not just a "sender") as claimed, and your colleague explained that he is from the United States but he is here in Nigeria for a three (3) months Surveying Project as he works with a construction firm (So shouldn't I already know this? And don't I work in the same business? We're supposedly colleagues...hmm...) in the Nigeria West Africa We are sending you this email because your package is been registered on a Special Order. What you have to do now, is to contact our Delivery Department for immediate dispatchment of your package to your residencial address. Note that as soon as our Delivery Team confirms your informations, it will take only one working day (24 hours) (for all of you who may not realize that 1 day = 24 hours) for your package to arrive it's \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ designated destination. For your information, the VAT & Shipping charges as well as Insurance fees have been paid by your colleague before your package was registered. Note that the payment that is made on the Insurance, Premium & Clearance Certificates, are to certify that the Bank Draft is not a Drug Affiliated Fund (DAF) (I didn't realize such funds had their own acronym...I'm impressed!) neither is it funds to sponsor Terrorism (Phew! I was worried!) in your country. This will help you avoid any form of query from the Monetary Authority of your country. However, you will have to pay a sum of £100 GBP (Hmm...the payment is in dollars but the fee is in pounds? And my colleague and I are both from the U.S.?) to the FedEx Delivery Department being full payment for the Security Keeping Fee of the FedEx company as stated in our privacy terms & condition page. Also be informed that your colleague wished to pay for the Security Keeping charges, but we do not accept such payment considering the facts that all items & packages that is registered with us have a time limitation and we cannot accept payment having known not when you will be picking up the package or even responding to us. So we cannot take the risk to have accepted such payment in case of any possible demurrage (Wow! Big word...1 : the detention of a ship by the freighter beyond the time allowed for loading, unloading, or sailing 2 : a charge for detaining a ship, freight car, or truck). Kindly note that your colleague did not leave us with any further information. We hope that you respond to us as soon as possible because if you fail to respond until the expiry date of the foremost package, we may refer the package to the British Commission for Welfare (Go for it!!) the package do not have a return address.

Kindly contact the delivery department (FedEx Delivery Post) with the details given below:
Contact Person: Norman Carter
Email: fedex_reliable1967@hotmail.com (Because all FedEx employees have hotmail accounts)
Tel: +234 80-367-31137

Kindly complete the below form and send it to the email address given above. This is mandatory to reconfirm your Postal address and telephone numbers. FULL NAMES:, TELEPHONE:, POSTAL ADDRESS:, CITY:STATE:, COUNTRY:

Kindly complete the above form and summit it to the delivery manager on: fedex_reliable1967@hotmail.com As soon as your details are received, our delivery team will give you the neccessary payment procedure so that you can effect the payment for the Security Keeping Fees. As soon as they confirm your payment receipt of £100 GBP, they will not hesitate to dispatch your package as well as the attahced letter to your residence. It usually takes 24 hours being an over night delivery service.

Note that we were not instructed to email you (so why did you??), but due to the high priority of your package we had to inform you as your sender did not leave us with his phone number because he stated that he just arrived Nigeria and he hasn't \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ fix any phone yet. We indeed personally sealed your Bank Draft and we found your email contact in the attached letter as the recipient of the foremost package (I thought the letter was private). Ensure to contact the delivery department with the email address given above and ensure to fill the above form as well to enable a successful reconfirmation. Do not reply this email because this email account is not monitored. Send your details to: fedex_reliable1967@hotmail.com

Yours Faithfully,
Mrs. Margaret Blaire.
FedEx Online Team Management.

All rights reserved. © 1995-2008 FedEx.----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------This E-mail is only for the above addresses.It may contain confidential or privileged information. If you are not an addresses you must notcopy,distribute, disclose or use any of the information in it or anyattachments.----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------FEDEX INTL>>>

Boy, I'm so enlightened and feel so loved, especially since the subject line on the e-mail said "Hello." The fact that FedEx would contact me with such important news makes me want to break out my British chequebook and write that check...

On second thought...

Dear FedEx:

I'm writing to inform you of someone impersonating...

More Birthday Buns

In cleaning out some boxes, I came across my two Holland Lop bucks' pedigrees and noted that May 20th was their birthday (they're brothers)...their very 1st one!!

So...

HaPpY 1st BiRtHdAy, JaCk and ToNy!!

(Sorry for this doctored version...the boys are shedding.)

More Monday Musings in May

Happy Monday to you on this third Monday in May.

And Happy 2nd Birthday to my blog!! Wow!! I cannot believe I've been rambling for that long. Well, some who know me well might not be surprised. *grin*

Time is whizzing along this year. I always feel like when you have something important happening in the future that you just have to be ready for -- oh, like maybe a wedding or the birth of a baby -- that time goes especially fast to keep you on your toes.

It's certainly doing that to us.

We went to a rabbit show this past Saturday. I've had rabbits since I was 11 and showed them a few times in the Reading Fair when I was a teenager, but I've never before been to a rabbit show. It was kind of exciting for me.

I had in mind to get another Holland Lop -- a doe named Audrey to breed with my bucks. I found her the instant I walked into the building but knew that it was important to see what other bunnies might be available. I ended up returning to buy her. She's absolutely precious as you can see here.

While we were there, we ran into several of the 4-H members from our club. They were all showing rabbits. It looks like it might be fun to try sometime. Emily was excited.

We also saw a bunny that had "1 leg" written on the for sale listing. We all had great pity for this rabbit that we thought only had one leg in the front until another 4-H member explained that it had "one leg" earned from showing. Apparently a rabbit -- or any animal being shown -- that wins 3 legs is considered close to a champion or something. Duh, us. We felt a bit embarrassed but laughed at our naivete. Live and learn, right?

The basement project is coming along. It won't be long before I'm able to move the stuff from the school room to our new craft and computer area. Stuart painted the new wall that he built and put up some more shelves. I spent most of Saturday afternoon throwing out junk. I think I went through 7 boxes of stuff and threw most of it out. Yay!!

This is a huge step for me since I'm a "recovering packrat." But it's very liberating so I'll keep going with it. Trash Day is tomorrow!!!

More tidbits are coming out about the 24: Season 7 prequel and the regular season. It all looks very exciting! Still 9 months to go...a bit too long to start up the countdown clock. But it won't be long. The filming crew is heading to South Africa at the end of the month to begin filming for the prequel. Yippee!!

We're nearly finished with school for the year. It's winding down quickly, and both kids are very excited to be able to sing: "No more pencils! No more books! No more teacher's dirty looks!" Not that I'm in the habit of giving dirty looks...too often.

Edward's soccer game was rained out yesterday. The rain was coming down in sheets. Guess they're not as "diehard" as we thought. *wink* Emily has her dress rehearsal for the recital tonight. It's her last Monday class for the year since next week is a holiday and the following Sunday is her recital. She's really excited...and a tad nervous, too, I think.

* * *

5 THINGS TO BE HAPPY ABOUT

• bowers of honeysuckle

• an enchanting landscape

• small limestone cottages

• the first roller coaster ride of the summer

• fish and chips

* * *

I hate fish.

I've never liked it -- ever.

When my mom made anything with fish -- like tuna casserole or something with shrimp -- she'd was very kind and always make mine plain without the fish part.

I remember telling the other kids in my kindergarten class that I was "allergic" to tuna fish. Of course, I didn't realize what that really meant. I thought you were allergic to things you didn't like...like boys or chores...or fish.

But when I moved to England I made an exception to this negative feeling towards the swimming white meat.

Why?

Because I was introduced to "fish-n-chips."

My mouth salivates even thinking about this "delicacy" wrapped in newsprint -- now wrapped in plain white butcher paper.

I'm not sure why this kind of fish made it under my dislike radar... Maybe it's the crunchy outside? Or the salt and vinegar? Or the crunchy chips that go alongside of it?

Any way you slice it, it's just plain yummy!

Oh, look! It's lunchtime. Sigh, if only I could find some somewhere nearby...

How much is a ticket to England? *wink*

Sweet Sunday

This is an excellent song from Michael W. Smith called "Agnus Dei." (I always get chills from it.)

Enjoy and have a sweet Sunday!

Introducing...

...Audrey, the broken orange Holland Lop....soon-to-be "wife" of Jack. *wink*

She's only 9 weeks old, so she has a few months to go until she's of marriageable age...no "robbing the cradle" in this house.

She looks like her 24 counterpart, don't you think? *grin*

Friday Funnies

Another great "Baby Blues" comic to share. (Thanks, Stuart!!)

Enjoy and have a fun Friday!

(It gets bigger when you click on it.)

Appointments Aplenty

How do you spell relief?

N-O-M-O-R-E-A-P-P-O-I-N-T-M-E-N-T-S!!

This week has been all about appointments.

We started on Monday with our ultrasound, where the kids were able to "meet" Leechie for the first time.

It was fun to watch the screen as the doctor measured the various parts of our newest family member, highlighting them for us.

Edward was a little less than patient about finding out Leechie's gender.

The doctor chuckled and tried his best to figure it out for us. But, alas, it was meant to stay a secret until sometime in September when we meet our little one face-to-face.

Then we spent all morning Tuesday in the allergist's office, figuring out what Emily needs to avoid this season...which was quite obviously oak pollen, several grass pollens, and molds. (Easier said than done, I'm afraid.)

So we started her on Zyrtec, and the allergist helped us figure out a routine to use if her breathing, like her brother's, becomes a problem. The best news was that after Father's Day all the pollen usually burns up with the heat and allergies diminish to the point of not needing any more medicines. Yay!

We go back at the end of June to figure out if she's allergic to Amoxicillin, too.

And finally we finished on Thursday with our prenatal visit to the midwife's office to hear Leechie and get measured, etc.

All looks -- and sounds -- well. Leechie's heartrate has stayed in the 130s-140s range, which is exactly like his/her older siblings. (No guessing about gender based on heartrate in our household...both of my kids had the exact same range all the way through. So much for that old wives' tale, right? *wink*)

I looked on my calendar this afternoon and sighed in relief.

No more appointments until next month! Hooray!

Wordless Wednesday

Tuesday Tips

Here are three handy hints from Heloise:

Make Your Own Window Cleaner: Here’s my favorite mixture. Pour into a spray bottle and shake well: 1 cup non-sudsy ammonia, 1 cup rubbing alcohol, 1 cup water. Pour into a labeled spray bottle and shake well. Use to clean your windows.

Plastic Bowls or Dishes Stink? Make a paste of baking soda and a bit of water. Rub the mixture over the entire surface. Let set overnight. Then wash with hot, soapy water and rinse well.

Glasses Stuck Together? To unstick them, put ice cubes into the top glasses and then stand the rest in a sink filled with warm to hot water. Let sit for several minutes and then gently pull apart.

Mommy Moments and Monday Musings

Happy Monday to you!

I enjoyed a wonderful Mother's Day yesterday -- my last one as a "mommy of two." I hope all the other mothers out there enjoyed their day, too.

I received lots of very thoughtful gifts, including (but not limited to) two lovely maternity tops, a giftcard to Motherhood Maternity, some chocolates and Laffy Taffy, and a game made of "Hand Grafted Wood." My two favorites from the kids were very interesting... Edward gave me a glass banana that he "couldn't resist," and Emily found a silk and plastic strawberry plant in a little plastic terracotta pot. Stuart took them to the Dollar Store to pick out some presents and told them to pick them from their hearts. That's what makes me love their gifts so much: the enthusiasm and thought that goes into their choices. I'm still not sure what I'll do with a glass banana and plastic strawberries. Stuart suggested a fruit salad? *grin*

The glass banana reminded me of a Mother's Day back when Emily was 2 1/2. Stuart took her out for the first time to choose presents for me. He made all sorts of suggestions, but Emily -- God bless her -- has always had a mind of her own. She headed straight to the aisle in the store that had what she wanted to give me: soup. She picked out a can of Healthy Request Chicken Noodle Soup because she knew I loved soup and couldn't have MSGs. It was the sweetest gift I'd ever received from a 2-year-old. Then I'd made a special request for a "mommy t-shirt" since I was a newer mommy and saw lots of cute ones out there... So Stuart guided her, soup in hand, to the t-shirts. He showed her ones with kittens and puppies on them. And others with teddy bears. She picked out one with barns on it that said, "Mom's Barn, Mom's Rules." Always one for the unique. But I wouldn't change her an iota. *wink*

Edward wondered this morning if bees can survive in water -- one of those questions that randomly pops out of his brain. I said I didn't think so, and he said he was glad. (He's not a lover of bugs.) Then he went on to tell me about the little black bug that he saved from Emily's bath the other night. Apparently, this little black bug became his friend. Edward put him on the window ledge in the bathroom to dry off. I smiled. Not the sort of reaction I expected from my anti-bug son. "Then I flushed him in the toilet," he said. Ah. Not the sort of ending I'd expected...so I laughed. "Well, Emily wanted me to squoosh him," he added. I guess a watery execution after being saved from a watery death is kinder than being "squooshed" outright. Doesn't that come under Amendment #8 of the Constitution: "Prohibition of cruel and unusual punishment?"

I don't know if their curiosity comes from being homeschooled or if it's just inherently a part of who they are. But I think I've finally figured out why it takes my daughter sooooooo long to finish her studies each day... She thinks beyond the lesson to the stories behind the examples.

For instance, on Friday when we were doing her spelling assessment, I read the word "jackknife" to her and the sentence from the teacher's manual that went with it. She paused and then wondered how old the boy in the sentence was and was he old enough to carry a knife and.... I stopped her before her mind began to whir out of control. Then as she was doing her math -- which included several lessons on planning for a party using averaging and budgeting and multi-step math problems -- she began to think which food would look nicest on the paper products she'd chosen based on her math budget...then she was considering the healthy choices versus junk food (it is a party afterall).... All great ideas, but I had to keep reminding her to finish her math...it's just an assignment...not real.

All this said, and I wonder how often her assignments send her into a dreamworld of wondering over things that don't exist... As I've said before, Emily doesn't think "outside the box"...she doesn't even see a box. *grin*

I saw some cool photos from Season 7 of 24 today. Only 8 months until the show returns...not that I'm rushing the year or anything. *wink* We have a lot happening between now and then, most importantly bringing a new member into our family...

Speaking of which, we had another ultrasound today...and all is well! (Thank You, God!!) But the doctor couldn't tell with any certainty what the gender of our beloved "Leechie" is. Ah, well. I wanted to know but didn't. I felt like it was opening a gift before the occasion. Still, it would have made it easier to sort out the clothing. *sigh* It was very interesting to have him point out and measure all the various parts, even though all of us felt a little bit of confusion about what we were seeing. So only another 16 weeks until we know for sure...

...which means I should get back to the laundry and organizing and cleaning...

Sigh.

Before I Was a Mom...

Another repeat...but, again, one that deserves repeating.

Happy Mother's Day to my wonderful mom and sister...and all those mom-friends who travel beside me on my parenting travels...

Emily, 3, holding her brandnew brother Edward

Before I was a mom I made and ate hot meals.
I had unstained clothing.
I had quiet conversations on the phone.

Before I was a mom I slept as late as I wanted.
And never worried about how late I got into bed.
I brushed my hair and my teeth everyday.

Before I was mom I cleaned my house each day.
I never tripped over toys or forgot words to lullabies.

Before I was a mom I didn't worry whether or not my plants were poisonous.
I never thought about immunizations.

Before I was a mom I had never been puked on, pooped on, spit on, peed on, or pinched by tiny fingers.

Before I was a mom I had complete control of my mind, my thoughts, my body and all my feelings.
I slept all night.

Before I was a mom I never held down a screaming child so that doctors could do tests or give shots.
I never looked into teary eyes and cried.
I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin.
I never sat up late hours at night watching a baby sleep.

Before I was a mom I never held a sleeping baby just because I didn't want to put it down.
I never felt my heart break into a million pieces when I couldn't stop the hurt.
I never knew that something so small could affect my life so much.
I never knew that I could love someone so much.
I never knew I would love being a mom.

Before I was a mom I didn't know the feeling of having my heart outside my body.
I didn't know how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby.
I didn't know that bond between a mother and her child.
I didn't know that something so small could make me feel so important.

Before I was a mom I had never gotten up in the middle of the night every 10 minutes to make sure all was OK.
I had never known the warmth, the joy, the love, the heartache, or the satisfaction of being a mom.

I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much......
......before I was a mom.

~Author Unknown

Mother's Day from the Kids

Priceless!

Friday Funnies

In honor of Mother's Day coming this Sunday, I present two funny videos about parenting. (And you definitely don't need to have children to enjoy them.) The first is a repeat from last year, but it's too good not to repost. The second is apparently the long-requested sequel.

Enjoy, and have a funny Friday!

Artful End Notes

All good things must come to an end, I guess.

Yesterday was the last of our homeschool learning group, and it included an art show and end-of-year program to give parents an idea of all the students had learned during the year.

Edward's class sang three songs related to the Americana theme of art and music for the year, and he even introduced one of them (with flying colors...no pun intended) -- "This Land Is Your Land," his favorite-most song. After describing my son as a "shy guy" for most of the past 7 years, you'll know that this was quite a feat for him and made me burst with pride (and, okay, okay, maybe a few tears) watching him. (Darn pregnancy hormones!) I guess the "bud" has bloomed, so to speak. *wink*

Emily's class sang a wonderful rendition of "The Lord Is My Shepherd." They sang it so beautifully that it brought tears to my eyes listening to it. (Darn the still-more pregnancy hormones!) *grin*

Both kids were excited to show me their artwork, which we are now proudly exhibiting at home.

All in all, it was a wonderful program.

* * *

On another note, my high school journalism students finished their year with pride, folding and distributing their second newspaper. And I thought they did an awesome job. It made me proud when they told me how much they felt they'd learned this year. I can say without a doubt that I definitely saw learning going on.

Wordless Wednesday

Keeping Her on Her Toes

Emily went to get measured for toe shoes this past Saturday.

This is a huge deal for her. She's been awaiting pointe shoes since she was about 3.

She'll attend pointe "camp" -- an intensive week of classes -- next month, and then she'll do 20 minutes of pointe class at the end of her regular ballet class in the fall.

The teacher explained how to sew on the ribbons and elastic and also told us they extended the time for the camp class each night due to the fact that in the beginning it takes the girls about 20-25 minutes to get their pointe shoes on. *grin*

Watching the girls try on the shoes was like having a front seat in a Cinderella show. The shoes were like glass slippers to them, and when the teachers helped them stand for the first time in them...the grins on their faces were priceless.

Maniacal May Monday Musings

Happy Monday to you! Happy May to you! Happy "crazy-time-of-the-year" to you!

Between trying to wrap up school for the year and getting the house/yard cleaned up whilst avoiding the high pollen levels...life has been busy, busy, busy around here.

We spent another busy weekend, trying to get the house sorted before the arrival of "Leechy." (Speaking of which, only a week until we have our ultrasound. This will be the first time the kids get to see the baby inside of me. I hope it will be a bonding experience for them...well, for all of us!)

Stuart built some wonderful shelves on the wall of our basement to help alleviate the loss of our school room, and now it's up to me to sort out the many, many boxes of junk we have accumulated over the years... Wow! I often find myself wondering what I was thinking on any given day, keeping all the stuff I do. I've been trying very hard to sort the mail immediately upon coming inside the house with it. Otherwise, the assortment of magazines/catalogues/junkmail gets ahead of me. There's always that one magazine or catalogue that you just know might be fun to read...but then you also realize you probably won't get a chance to read it. One day though...

Edward had another soccer game on Sunday. It was a fun game to watch, given the fact that both teams played really hard. It was tied until the last second of the game when one of Edward's teammates accidently bumped the ball into their own goal. It was gut-wrenching, but a good lesson for the kids. It's not about winning...but playing and having fun. They played a good game.

Stuart left for Houston this morning. He's attending his first ever trade show. It should be fun for him.

Our homeschool group finishes up this Wednesday with an end-of-year program. Edward is psyched since he is introducing one of the songs the 1st and 2nd grade class is singing. And it's his favorite: "This Land Is Your Land." This coming from our "shy guy" who doesn't usually like to sing. A proud parent moment awaits us, no doubt. Emily's music class is singing "The Lord Is My Shepherd," and her gym class is demonstrating jump-roping skills learned throughout year. It should be quite a fun show!

Well, time to get busy organizing and cleaning again...wish me luck!

End thought: He who laughs last probably didn't get the joke in the first place.

Sweet Sunday

Another good one from the BBC's "Songs of Praise" program.

Have a sweet Sunday!

Friday Funnies

This is cute. (Loved the imitation of his son-in-law-to-be's accent!) I admire Kiefer's calm attitude through it all. I wonder how Stuart and I will feel when the day comes for a young man to ask for Emily's hand in marriage...

Enjoy, and have a funny Friday!

You Don't Say...

From Stuart's daily calendar:

Attorneys and witnesses can say some strange things when they get into court and the trial has started. For example:

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's 20.

ATTORNEY: The date of your baby's conception was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh...

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?