Pondering the Imponderable

My friend Angel posted this about a tragedy that happened to a friend of a friend of hers in the town near where she lived before moving to Pennsylvania. She said she didn't know this woman...but anyone of us could have.

The victim, Francie Billotti Wood, described herself in her blog's profile as "...a woman, a daughter, a sister, a wife, a mother, a lover of many things, a joiner, a questioner, a truth-seeker and a friend."

I went to Francie's blog and read down through the past three years, getting to "know" -- through her writings -- the sweet and intelligent woman she was. The last entry, dated April 1st, was somewhat haunting given the turn of events.

I can't sleep and I am thinking
I am thinking about a board presentation I plan to give in May. I am thinking about sponsorship letters that need to go out for an event that is in Sept. I am thinking about driving my MIL to BWI in the morning. I am thinking that Chris and I will never agree on a new house to buy. I am thinking about how I volunteered to serve on the board of my Moms Club but am afraid it is going to be more work than I bargined for. I am thinking that I wish I was sleeping instead of typing on my blog. I am thinking that I miss my friend Heather and my friend Kim. I am thinking it is way too hard to make time to exercise....

I am thinking that I am pretty lucky to be awake and to be thinking about such trivial things. How truly blessed am I to be thinking about being able to give back to my community, to get to stay home with my children, share time with my childrens' grandparents, and to have such wonderful friends that I care so much about...and to have my health and to be able to exercise. I am thinking how grateful I am!

Wow.

The reason I am especially perplexed by this tragedy is that it came in the form of a murder-suicide. Her husband and soulmate, Chris, murdered her and their three children -- Chandler, 5, Gavin, 4, and Fiona, 2 -- and then killed himself.

Horrifying.

Senseless.

Heartbreaking.

Troublesome.

Three little children. Two boys and a little girl. None of which will ever live to his/her potential. No more birthdays, Christmases, summer vacations.

A beautiful woman who was staying at home with them, raising them, taking them to church, their school, the zoo, visiting their friends and relatives, living what seemed a normal life in smalltown America.

A handsome man who by all outward appearances seemed sweet and loving and smiling, troubled by financial burdens and a new job....inwardly hurting from something in life; something which made him want to leave it all behind...and take his family with him.

The question "WHY?" comes to mind, though I know there's no real answer to it.

Only God understands, and only He can bring peace after such a tragedy.

Pray for Chris's and Francie's families. We may not have known them personally...but we know they were real people, gone from this earth forever, leaving behind grieving parents and siblings and friends...all seeking answers to this imponderable act.

And it made me think that I need to reach outside the computer to the people around me...

You never know when someone is hurting. And after a tragedy it's too late.