On Parenting, Perception, and Patience

When is it okay to teach our kids to lie? When it's a little lie...a fib...a story...or even a fib-lette?

(Euphemisms are grand, aren't they? They're alive and well and "living" all around us.)

Sigh.

It's really just a matter of perception. Like the 3-D glasses we wore to watch a recent movie. They made you think the animated items were coming at you.

Calling a lie something else makes it seem better...if only a little bit. But it doesn't change what it is.

I remember reading an article once about how often parents lie in front of their kids. For example, they might say the child is younger than he/she is so that they can get a cheaper rate/ticket/dinner. The author of the article said she did this once and her child actually "ratted" her out in front of the cashier. Bust-ed! Why? Because the child didn't like lying, and she was proud to be the age she was. Why hide it?

Makes you sit up and think a bit, huh?

I joined a certain networking site a year or so ago and noticed that you had to enter your birthdate -- including the year -- in order to start an account. The disclaimer states this is because of safety reasons. (We've all heard the horror stories of young teens on MySpace.) And because of these safety reasons, the site bans all kids under 13 from setting up an account. (It's true...I tried it to see what it would say.) And if you're 13 and above but under 18 you have to be in high school or college. Again, for safety reasons.

My 11-year-old daughter would dearly love to be on this particular site. She thinks it's the next best thing since sliced bread. Her perception is that it will bring her lots of joy and happiness and, best of all, friends. We've tried to be careful in limiting her use of the Internet and Yahoo Instant Messaging. There's so much out there that's cool, but so much more that could damage her or lure her into harm's way.

We've explained the rules of this particular website and told her that she has to wait, and that really "bums" her out.

Why?

Because many of her friends and classmates from our homeschool co-op -- 10-, 11-, and 12-year-olds -- are already on this site.

How?

They lie. (I know. I was shocked, too.) They put a different year in for their birthdate and everything is "hunky-dory."

But is everything a-okay? Do their parents know and understand the rules and reasons behind them? Or do they just assume that their kids will be safe and use the common sense the good Lord gave 'em?

Pretty heavy assumption.

But it's only "a little lie." And it "isn't really harming anyone." So why not let our daughter join in the fun, too?

I'm left wondering: What exactly does it teach our kids when we allow this sort of thing? That lies have different values...different levels...different intents?

But to God, a lie is a lie is a lie.

And one day that child will have to answer for that lie....and his/her parents will have to answer for allowing it.

Makes you sit up and think a bit, huh?

There's a reason for the popularity of the saying: "Good things come to those who wait."