Winds of Change...and an Apology

So once again, the time has gotten ahead of me, and I'm behind on my blogging, and I'm so sorry.

Originally, I intended to keep this blog to clear my mind of random thoughts and record memories to share with my kids.

Five years on and how's it going? Hmm...

My last post was from August 10th. It's now September 22nd.  Need I say more?

To say that I've been busy would address most of the problem. To say that I just haven't made the time would fit in there, too.

Sigh.

So I'll fill in some of the fun events we've experienced between my last post and now...but I won't backdate them. I'll just reflect on them. Sound good?  That way I won't get further behind trying to catch myself up. You with me? Phew. Glad someone is.

Changes and changes and changes.

I don't do well with change.

I'm not sure if I just ODed on it when I was younger since we seemed to move every few years...or if it's just in my nature...or both....

But yesterday proved a bit stressful for me.  (I'll get over it quickly. I promise. *wink-grin*) Both Facebook and my email provider changed the format on their programs.

While I adapt fairly quickly to new things, I felt frustrated by these changes. I think the world around us is continually changing so it's nice for some things to stay steady. It's not much to ask...really.

Still, I know that I'll get used to both changes...in time for them to change again.

Oh, well. In my next life (if I believed in such things), I'll be a chameleon. It'll be so much easier.

Wordless Wednesday

Past Connections

I lost my last grandparent in May.

My grandmother, Janice S. Bartels, passed away on May 19th, just a little under a month from her 90th birthday.

I have never heard anyone say that death is easy. Ever. Even when you know that it's coming at some point -- there's no other end for us humans -- the reality of it isn't pleasant. Even when you know the person is "better off" because now he/she "isn't suffering," it isn't nice. It just feels so...final.

Suddenly you think of all the wasted moments, the times, the events -- good and bad -- that you won't get to share with that person. You can't just pick up the phone and call her anymore. You can't ask questions about her past to get to know her -- or her "era" -- a bit better, not that my grandmother was into that.

My grandmother had a hard life. Some of it was caused by her own choices, but some of it by just the fact that she was born into a home where her mother was somewhat harsh and the rest of her family perhaps a bit indulging?

Raising four children by herself in the '40s and '50s -- with a deadbest ex-husband who'd remarried a woman who wanted to pretend he didn't have a previous family -- my dad once told me it wasn't easy for her. The rumors that were spoken behind her back; the stories and gossip that were spread about this young, beautiful woman with her pretty teenage daughters who had to take in boarders to help pay the mortgage......

My mom just told me the other day that my grandmother needed to get a job once the divorce was final -- since she got very little of the court-ordered child support from my grandfather.  But she had never worked before in her life. She'd graduated in 1939, had my aunt in 1940, and then had my mom in 1941. She was a daughter and then a housewife and mom. So getting a job that paid well enough to keep their house and four kids was a feat in and of itself.  Add in the fact that she had no real job skills, and it was nearly impossible.

But she did it, and my mom and aunt worked as well.

I asked my mom if my great-grandmother ever offered monetary assistance. My mom said absolutely not. My great-grandmother would have loaned my grandmother money, but she always felt my grandmother was defiant and disobedient and made bad choices. She didn't ever think it proper for my grandmother to have her own thoughts and ideas and abilities. She was just wrong, in my great-grandmother's eyes. She'd "made her bed and so must lie in it."

It suddenly struck me how hard it must have been for my grandmother. It suddenly made me miss her more....wishing I could give her one more hug to let her know how much we loved her -- and how proud we were of her.

Everyone makes bad choices -- some more than others -- but isn't that what forgiveness and mercy are all about?

Sigh.

Nice vs,. Mean

"Attention! Attention!

Nice Mommy has left the building, taking with her all nice thoughts, deeds, ideas, and hugs.

It is uncertain when -- and if -- she will return......"

Sigh.

Some days feel like that lately...today being no exception.

Sigh (again).

Stuart is away on another trip. It feels (though he assures me it isn't so) like he's been away a lot more recently. Maybe it's coming close together or something...because it seems like we've eaten a ton of mac-n-cheese as of late.

I had in my head all the things we could do this week -- all the things I need to do this week. And it all came to a screeching halt when my temper flared this morning.

Sigh (yet again).

It's not that I'm completely unjustified in my reactions to things. But I get frustrated at myself when I can't seem to stop myself from ranting and over-reacting...and, even more so, when I feel like I just want to quit.

I know from experience that motherhood is full of days like this. And I honestly don't really want to quit or change anything.

It's just in my moment of venting, I'm gathering my thoughts and getting down on my knees to ask God to help me deal with things in a more, well, in a more "nice" way.

Then I'll be able to say: "Mean Mommy has left the building, taking with her all mean thoughts, deeds, ideas, and folded arms.

It is hopeful that she won't return......ever."

Well, it's a nice thought, right?

Sigh.

Life's Driving Force

The thing about life is that it moves entirely too quickly. There's a feeling that if life moves fast, somehow I must move faster. In doing so, though, I end up missing out on the most precious and simple moments of joy.

Sigh.

I've always felt that need to slow down, and finally today (albeit, for a just brief moment) I got to do just that.

Sitting at the breakfast table, Ethan began to "drive" using his cereal bowl as a steering wheel. He made the motor sounds and even "shifted" using his spoon.

At first, Emily and I just smiled at his imagination and continued eating our breakfast.

Then he announced quite loudly and excitedly that we'd "arrived" in New York City!

At that moment, for some unknown reason, I felt myself transported with him. I joined in his fun and marvelled at the tall buildings around us. Then I pointed to a Starbucks and suggested going there next.

He laughed and began "driving" us there. He then asked what I wanted to drink and served me quite genteelly.

"Hold on to your coffee!" he said and started to "drive" again.

"Where are we going now?" I asked.

"To church!" he said happily.

At church, we sang a song together and then got back in our car to drive to....the Art Show!

Quickly admiring a Monet and then a Bouguereau, we then boarded the car to race onward to...Walmart.  I told him I'd get us the big bottle of GermX that I needed.

I requested that we travel to my favorite toystore FAO Schwarz back in NYC. It was a quick trip, because then we had to go "bowling."

At the bowling alley, Ethan said he got lots of balls and threw two strikes! I said that I only got a spare. But Emily, who joined in the fun, got a strike, too. Ethan high-fived her.

After all the "journeying," we headed home and the cereal bowl once again became just a cereal bowl.

We laughed at the fun of "driving around" -- at least in our imaginations -- and finished our breakfasts...but somehow it felt as if we'd just had a wonderful adventure together.

Tuesday Tidbit

Last month, we went to our borough's annual Independence Day Parade. A photographer from our local newspaper took this photo of Ethan's awe in watching the festivities. He was enraptured by all he saw. It was so precious!

Eggs-tra Special

Stuart brought me home a Galaxy Caramel Egg. Galaxy. Caramel. Egg.

For those of you who don't know British chocolate well, Galaxy makes a creamier version of Cadbury's. It's one of the Mercedes of the chocolate world.

I've had it since May.

For those of you who don't know me well, that's a LONG time for me to keep chocolate.

I'm a choco-holic. I know it. My hubby knows it. My kids know it. If there's chocolate in the house, it won't be long until it's no longer in the house. If there was some kind of support group for this addiction I'd be the "poster child" for it.

Okay. So I exaggerate...a bit.

Anyways...back to my Galaxy Caramel Egg...

Each of the family members in my house -- with the exception of Ethan and the various fur-covered ones -- has demanded implored encouraged me to eat said egg.  I'm guessing it's to remove the temptation that they feel in seeing it each day.

But I can't.

It's not because I don't want to. It's not because I won't enjoy it. It's not even because I'm not physically able to.

I just don't want to...yet.

There will come a moment, when the time is right and the coffee is perfect, that I will peel back the foil wrapper and sink my teeth into the luxurious caramel surrounded by creamy chocolate, savoring the sweet goodness with a swig of Starbucks Special Blend.

...........

Excuse me. I think I hear the kettle whistling.....

Worded Wednesday

Can you find the hidden toddler in this picture? Can you find him? Can you find him? Is he there?

Still Blogging...in My Head

The thing about blogging is that it can sometimes get in the way of Life...

But the thing about Life is that it can sometimes get in the way of blogging!

Sigh.

I started this blog over five years ago with the intentions of "clearing my cluttered brain."

Hmm.... It's gotten more difficult in the past year or so, and I've lagged behind in my ramblings.
But, funny enough, I've continued "blogging" in my mind.

I'll find myself thinking of a post while I'm showering or driving or cooking dinner -- all places that make it impossible to put fingertips to computer keyboard and empty my thoughts into a post destined for the World Wide Web.

So much has happened...good and bad; easy and hard; memorable and forgettable.

I'll do my best to get back in the groove of writing. That's the purpose of my jottings on here: just to get myself writing, to keep on keeping on with a hobby I immensely enjoy.

I'm sure I'll lapse again at some point, but it's the "doing" that matters most to me. Just keeping a journal of happenings -- big and small -- for my kids to read later in life.

After all, it's easier to read on here than in my head, right?

Friday Funnies

This is the cutest video and is sure to bring you a few laughs on this fun and jokey Friday! Happy April Fool's Day! And have a FUNNY Friday!

Facing the Truth

I've come to the conclusion after spending the past 3+ years on Facebook that to some "friends" I am a nobody...or at least nobody who is that important.

It's okay. It's okay.

I'm not looking for pity -- not in the slightest. I can leave that social network at any time...right?  Or, at the very least, go to "Facebook-users Anonymous." *wink-grin*

Let me explain.

I'm not sure of actual Facebook etiquette -- though I'm tempted to write a manual on the topic -- but if you're "friended" by people, especially people you thought were actual real-life friends, you should be important to them on there, right? What I mean by that is that if you comment on their posts or "like" something they've posted or leave them messages or tell them you'll pray for them, etc., they'll respond to you and maybe even reciprocate in kind (understandably, not all the time, of course). Or if they don't respond to you directly on a particular post they won't respond to anyone else who commented either.

WRONG.

Apparently, it's okay to thank some of the people who offer friendship and kind words to you...and ignore the rest.

Who knew?

Another part of the etiquette that I've come to learn is that people can comment TO someone who has commented on someone else's post, regardless of whether or not they've ever (and I mean EVER) communicated with the original poster directly. It's all a part of that "six degrees of separation," I guess.

Go figure.

I would have thought that they'd comment to the original poster and then add an "aside" to the commenter of choice. Guess I thought wrong again.

And yet another fact that I've learned concerning the Facebook "rules of friendship" is that people can publicly message one another bragging about the wonderful time they had together and how they can't wait to do it again and how they're the best-est friends they've ever known...and their kids will grow up and continue the family friendship for all eternity......  Okay, slight exaggeration on the "best-est friends" part since you know that they'll post that again on another person's wall before too long.

Well, I'll be.

It doesn't matter that their 180+ other friends have just read that and thought that they were their "best-est ever" friends and that they would just love to get together with them but they've been "far too busy to do that...but soon," etc. Hmm...

The fact is online friendship is still friendship. People go online to continue their friendships with others in a different way...another facet, if you will. It matters what you post and how you post and if you post. People are watching and reading and feeling -- even online.

Being rude online isn't any more acceptable than being rude in person. It's just easier.

So, Facebook friends, if you see that you've disappeared from my list, you'll understand why. Nothing personal..... 

Friendship is friendship (caring, loving, praying for each other) -- online and offline.  I'd rather spend my time -- both on and offline -- and energy -- both on and offline -- with people who truly care for me both on and offline.

Wordless Wednesday

"Monday, Monday...

...can't trust that day."

That's for sure!

I love Mondays...usually.

Mondays remind me of a blank slate -- a brandnew start to another week. Time to tidy up after the weekend and get things back in order.

I know most of my family doesn't see me as organized, but I am very methodical. But my organization -- like most other people's -- fits and works for me. 

I usually get up before everyone else and come downstairs. After turning on the radio, I fill the kettle and get Ethan's milk ready. Then I let out the dog and fill his bowl with food. Then I prepare the coffee and start the timer. While I wait for the timer, I clean out the cats' litterbox and feed them. I let in the dog and pour the coffee -- maybe doing a few dishes that might be in the sink or making Stuart's lunch (but only if there's time). Now I am ready to greet Stuart and Ethan and spend a few moments drinking our coffee/milk (respectively).

I like routine. It's the stabilizing influence of my life.

But sometimes it can become the opposite. Sometimes I feel like my world is shaken if something is done out of order or messed up...

Thus, today is a mess (in my mind). We have three sick little munchkins...one car...and the need for a very long nap and some sunshine.

Still, there's always tomorrow. A clean slate on which to rebuild my routine...right? Right?

Sigh.

Sweet Sunday

I thought this was appropriate after spending the morning home from church with three sick children. We certainly could use some healing rain.

Saturday Sweethearts

"E" is for Emily, Edward, and Ethan!

Friday Funnies

Ethan is a regular comic these days. Must come with being 2 or something.

Here's one of our very favorite recent videos of him explaining the names of each family member.

Enjoy! And have a funny Friday!

Wordless Wednesday

Playing a Treat

This isn't the same couple we watched playing this song on the "Big Piano" at FAO Schwartz, but it sounds just as good! Boy, were they talented!!

Hope you enjoy it as much as we did!

Missing Monday Musings...

So here we are...the first official full day of Spring. Yippee!  It can only get warmer and sunnier from here, right? Well, we can hope. Snow and sleet are predicted for Wednesday...

I haven't done a Monday Musings post for some time now, and I think I'm a bit rusty. So much has happened that I haven't chronicled that I'm not sure I could cover it all without writing an entire volume of our family history.

So I'll just start with this past Saturday...and fill in later with posts about the "history" and memorable events of the past year.

Saturday.

A dear friend of ours from England brought her daughters to New York City for a shopping weekend. You know, one of those expedia.com deals you can buy? It was her youngest daughter's 13th birthday, and she thought it would be a wonderful treat for her.

The best treat was for us to join them for the afternoon on Saturday...to visit, to shop, to look around, and just enjoy each other.

It was fabulous!!

(Sarah and Stuart and I met after I moved to England in 1988. It'd been about 10 years since we'd seen each other.)

Since it was Ethan's first trip to NYC, it was also a special family time for us.

We took the PATH train from Hoboken and then the subway up to 58th to go to the best-est toystore in the world: FAO Schwarz. From there, we took the subway back to 34th to meet Sarah and her daughters at Macy's. After a fun time of eating, drinking (soda), and visiting, we hit the streets to go to Times Square and then the Rockefeller Center. It was a long day for all concerned, but a fun day.

Such a treat...such a memory!

I'll let the pictures tell the rest of the story: