Thanksgiving Thoughts

It has long been thought that we shouldn’t have just one day for being thankful. And, indeed, in reality we do not. We are thankful all year long in lots of ways. 

For me, this year’s holiday brings with it some grieving along with thanksgiving. I remember that this is the first Thanksgiving without my Uncle Bob and my friends, Norma and Kelly. I think of my Aunt Barbi and cousin Marshall and Norma’s brother and his family and Kelly’s husband and children. I can’t imagine how empty that chair once occupied by those loved ones will feel this year.

 

And this year will be our first without two of our kids joining us as they each celebrate with their significant other’s family. It’s absolutely right and good that they get to do that (I never had to do that because of Stuart’s family all being in England), but it still feels hard and heavy for me to handle. I know it will get easier as the years progress, but I’m still struggling at having a mostly empty nest.

 

Sometimes the grief hits me in waves of tears as I look at the photos of them when they were younger or watch videos of other people with their “littles.” Sometimes it’s just a numbness, making me go through the motions of existing. I remember reading about “empty nest syndrome” when I was a younger mom and thinking of how nice it would be to have some breathing room…

 

Breathing room. Ha. What I would give now for one more crushing pile-up hug from all of them. 

 

The very essence of motherhood is raising kids to let them go. It’s right and good and as it should be. Right after that final push of releasing them from my womb, we had but 18 years to love and raise them in the safety net of our family unit. I knew from the start it would be hard – both along the way and when it was time to let them go – I guess I didn’t realize just how hard it would be.

 

The problem for me, and many moms like me, is that I ended up building my life around my kids and their activities. They learned at home. We went on errands and adventures together. I did their laundry and bought their favorite foods and drinks. Sure, it got harder to keep up with all of it once they got older and scattered around the area. But it gave me a purpose, which I still very much have with our 16-year-old, but it’s just shrunken down to fit one kid now, instead of three. And when you’ve been stretched to keep up with three there’s a lot of extra room for rattling around with just one. And the dynamic changes.

 

All of this is not to say that I regret any of it. As I tell my kids now, I love them more than I ever loved them as little people because I’ve loved them longer now. I love them for who they were but also for who they are at this very moment.

 

In reflecting on the holiday and being without them, I can thank God for all the holidays we had together with them. I can thank God that they can celebrate as adults with more people who love them, that they can cook in their own homes and share good food together with more than just us. 

 

That is good and right and as it should be.

 

Happy Thanksgiving!

Here's a Tip

Something to think about today…and I hope this goes viral. 

If you use a service like DoorDash, UberEats, Shipt, Instacart, etc., remember to TIP your delivery person. You aren’t using a service to save money…you are choosing it to save time. BUT you are taking someone else’s time – and gas; someone who is acting as your personal shopper or food deliverer. 

 

Yes, it’s a job. But the pay is paltry – not unlike wait staff in restaurant and hair stylists – and it still takes time, especially if that person tries their very hardest to do their best. Ten percent is a good starting point. Reward more for exceptionality.

 

I get it. I was a terrible tipper. I assumed that they made a decent wage (Google will tell you they do, but the pay formula is built on the assumption that they get tipped), and that they didn’t really need a tip unless they did an exceptional job. 

 

Like everyone else, I’m trying to save money on my groceries. If that’s the case, I need to drive to the store myself and pick up my groceries. Saving time using a personal shopper does not equate to saving money. For some, it might mean saving money spent on gas going to the store. But you are using the gas of another, and that’s not covered by their delivery service companies. 

 

Consider changing how you think about these services and tip your driver. I know it’s not mandatory, but it is an encouragement to those trying to earn real money through these jobs. We all enjoy the service we get…now let’s remember to pay fully for it.

 

Thoughts on Mother's Day

My kids are always asking me if I loved them more when they were little.

I love looking at their photos and talking about how sweet they were and sharing memories of funny or poignant moments with them.

I remember first teeth and them learning to walk and the way they marveled at just about anything new and exciting. They loved being outside and had a cute way of pronouncing things. I loved watching them learn to read and write and draw. I loved making things with them and celebrating countless birthdays, half-birthdays, and holidays with them. Easter eggs and Christmas visits to New York to see the Macy's Santa with the deli breath. "Picnics in the Park" on the Eve of Christmas Eve. Early morning trips to Chincoteague in the summer and the fall and the beginning of a brand new year. Singing children's songs and then '80s songs at the tops of our lungs. Knowing all the words to the Veggie Tales, especially the end theme song from QWERTY.

Career goals: Fashion designer, hotel designer/owner, architect, marine biologist, inventor.

I remember how earnest they were about certain things and how they tried very hard to understand a complex grown-up world with the simple mind of a child. How they tried to share their thoughts on politics or movie stars or books they read.

It's as though now they see that child as someone else instead of a younger and smaller version of themselves.

How could I love that child any more than I love the grown (or growing) version I see at present?

Perhaps the past really is a foreign country...and those little people in the photos and memories are merely the residents, long gone as the years progress.

No, dear children, I couldn't possibly love that little-person version of you more than I love you now...for you are that little person now a bit bigger. And I love that bigger person even more today than I did yesterday.

Who Me?

My brain is ruminating. 

The dictionary says to ruminate is “to go over in the mind repeatedly and often casually or slowly.“ 

The news media would like us to worry about all of our leaders and what they are saying/doing/thinking/supporting. It’s a “he said/she said” battle of epic proportions. 

The fact of the matter is that none of the politicians lives with us. Not one of us — unless we are related to them — has daily contact with ANY of them. Our only contact is through what we see, read, and hear. 

Like everyone else, I find it extremely difficult to separate myself from all that is happening. I feel like I need to know. But what does that do to me and my family and friends? How does it affect those who have direct contact with me?

So I got to thinking...who is responsible for fueling all the hateful speech that is going around? Me. And who is responsible for preventing/changing hate speech and thoughts? Me again. 

It isn’t our president or the media or any other politician or movie star or athlete or singer or anybody at all. 

If each of us — myself included — spreads love and fairness and grace and civility, it WILL happen. It’s contagious.

No one needs to “kick anyone” who goes low. 

As I learned several years ago — and continue to learn — grace and love ALWAYS win. 

Let’s try it. 

In Times Like These...

I love words. 

I love the way they fall together to create sentences, forming stories or poems or songs. I love to hear the jingle of the letters’ sounds together – sometimes making onomatopoeia. I loved teaching my children how to read and process the sounds together to make words. I loved sharing my favorite words with them: saunter, facetious, whimsical.

But words don’t define me. I am not a collection of static letters or sounds. That’s when words lose their meaning.

I am a living, breathing, ever-changing human. I am not what people call me, either in race or religion or creed. My beliefs are my own, not formed by a stereotype or what I am told they are or should be. They are mine. And the basic core of my soul stays the same, but my thoughts are fluid as I observe and grow and process all that is around me.

When we allow our televisions and newspapers and online sources to tell us what to believe about who we are and what we are, it’s time to UNPLUG. When we listen and believe only what we are told, we have given up the power of words. We have allowed fear to own us.

So many people are complaining about the violence we hear and read about…constantly…the “ugliness” that is our world. I didn’t see it personally. I only read about it. What if it wasn’t as bad as described? What if “catastrophic” was an exaggeration of the events…made to cause fear and panic and anxiety in me? Catastrophic has always existed…and recent events are nothing new. And, yet, losing one person is always tragic to me. Losing three…even more so. Those people have their own people, who knew and loved and cherished them. And now they are without them. That makes me incredibly sad.

But fearful?

Instead of concentrating on what’s happening and being afraid, what if we looked around us at the world we can actually see? Look at the multitudes of flowers all around us, full of color and blooming in the final weeks of summertime. Listen to the giggles we hear from children running on a playground, enjoying their freedom and the innocence of just being. Watch a family or group of friends laugh, enjoying a dinner together.

Why can’t we grab hold of these truths? 

They are RIGHT. IN. FRONT. OF. OUR. EYES. 

They are real and happening right now. 

Why can’t we let go of what the media wants us to hear, to believe, to own. Realize that we may not have “gotten our way” in the election, but then neither did half the country in the last two elections…and we all made it through just fine. What if we accept what is and have faith that goodness exists and that we’ll all be okay…goodness is in children, in furry animals, in chocolate, in a drive through farmland, in a walk through a city, in the rising and setting of the sun. What if we believed in the good of mankind again – in those we know and see and love around us? What if we “agree to disagree” and go back to making cookies for each other or sharing ice cream cones or game nights or movies together? What if we ONLY try to make the small sphere we live in a better place for our children to live and grow up in, refuse to do anything else or read anything else or fear anymore?

What else can we do? Really?

For better or worse, this is the world we live in. We only see and feel and hear a small sphere of it, a mere sliver of all that is out there. Why not concentrate on that for a change, count our blessings and realize that, yes, we are sinful, but through God’s mercy, we are good? We are safe. We are alive. And we are free.

Then our words will be meaningful again. Because their power will be ours – not the media’s or government’s. Just ours.

It starts with a simple phrase: I love you, my friend. Not because we are the same, but because we are different.

I am NOT "white" or "conservative" or "hateful" or "mean." I am just Susie.

Wordless Wednesday

A Year in Review: 2015

In past years, I've gone through my photos and posted a photo or two from each month to try to remember what went on throughout the year. This year, I decided to choose photos and do a Flipagram with them.

Here for your viewing pleasure:

View on Flipagram

EIGHTEEN Years of Emily

 

Happiest 18th Birthday to the best-ever birthday gift and blessing that I've ever received!!!!

*   *   *

Doesn't God give the best gifts?

I guess, considering I was in labor for most of my birthday (she arrived after lunch), I gave myself God's gift to me. *wink-grin*

No regrets.

No sadness.

Just pure joy!!

So many people tease us about sharing a birthday...saying that Emily "took" my special day. I stare at them and think: Seriously?

As if any of us doesn't share our special day with somebody else. There are only 365 days in a year, 365 different chances to be born on a different day. Emily and I were born on the SAME day. If we believe we are preordained to be born at a certain point in time (and we do), then before I was born God had already decided Emily's birthday, too. It just hadn't happened yet.

And really. How cool is that???

*   *   *

So on this, OUR special day -- yours and mine -- I celebrate YOU, sweet girl!

No regrets ever.

No sadness ever.

Pure joy always!!

HaPpY HaPpY HaPpY dAy To YoU, EMILY SUSANNE FOOTE!

Wordless (Mostly) Wednesday

From three years ago:

Rainbow Connection

**Soapbox WARNING: I rarely feel the need to tackle a difficult subject on this blog. I like to steer clear of controversial things...but sometimes my knickers get in a twist, and I realize there are some things that NEED to be tackled. For that, I offer no apologies. Mine is a blog of random musings. This is a musing meant to make you think...if even a little.**

It's interesting that the LGBT "community" wants to shove their agenda down our throats.

Constantly.

They seem to need to be validated and accepted. They demand to be validated and accepted.

I say go ahead and get married, adopt children, do your thing. I won't agree with you or accept your lifestyle. But I won't stop liking you as fellow humans.

You see, you can change everything into rainbows for your cause. You can color food and lights at the White House and Empire State Building. You can show "gay" couples in TV shows. But you can't make someone agree with your choices.

If Christians believe what the Bible says about homosexuality being a sin then we cannot accept your lifestyle choice any more than we can accept a liar or a cheater or a drunkard or any other sinner. We can't accept it in ourselves or anyone else. Sin is sin.

We can, however, accept you as equally sinful people loved so intensely by God that He sent His Son to die for you. It won't change how I will treat you. I'll still love you as a person. Serving me a rainbow burger or rainbow Doritos will not change that I love you but not your lifestyle. Making emojis that support your cause will not change that.

It's called respect. I respect you, and I expect that same respect back.

I don't think there is a color for heterosexual couples or marriage. Even if there was, I wouldn't be shoving down anyone's throats, coloring foods or buildings or flags. There are single people out there who may wish they had someone they could love and call husband/wife. I respect them, too.

And is it necessary to broadcast any kind of marriage? Celebrate milestones. Celebrate beginning love together. But stop showing off and trying to make people agree with you.

It doesn't work.

And, BTDubs, the rainbow was a sign from God to His people that He would keep His promises.

Do you know what color eternal damnation is? Because that's the color you'll see for all of eternity if you continue to live in sin. God promises that.

ALL of us fall short of God's glory and sin...and ALL of us need to turn away from our sins and accept Him.

Romans 3:21-26 (ESV)
²¹ But now the righteousness of God has been manifested apart from the law, although the Law and the Prophets bear witness to it— ²² the righteousness of God through faith in Jesus Christ for all who believe. For there is no distinction: ²³ for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, ²⁴ and are justified by his grace as a gift, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus, ²⁵ whom God put forward as a propitiation by his blood, to be received by faith. This was to show God's righteousness, because in his divine forbearance he had passed over former sins. ²⁶ It was to show his righteousness at the present time, so that he might be just and the justifier of the one who has faith in Jesus.

And Romans 6:23 (ESV)
²³ For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Sweet Sunday

Wordless Wednesday

Wordless Wednesday

A Labor of Love

Looking back, I can see that it's been awhile...a LOOOONG while.

So long, in fact, that the last thing I posted was about Edward's 14th birthday in....February.

Gulp.

SO much has happened. Good, bad, easy, fun, hard. My brain has nearly popped with it all.

I'm good at giving out advice about savoring the moments, slowing down, yadda, yadda.... But it's hard to take your own advice, huh?

So here's a quick recap. I'll post more with photos after this. I think I just need to unload my brain.

Since February...

Edward had his first Keystone Exam. Emily was accepted to Albright College and won a Shirk Scholarship. We coached Ethan's Spring U8 soccer team. Both older kids went with friends to the prom. Emily graduated from high school. Edward finished 9th grade. Emily got her first good job (after a failed first bad job complete with an office full of e-cigarettes). We renewed her permit, and Emily started learning to drive in earnest. We switched Edward to 21st Century Cyber School. He started 10th grade. Emily developed a type of seizure similar to epilepsy. (We're still investigating.) Edward started school and his second year of high school soccer. We moved Emily into....college! (Eeek!) Ethan finished 2nd grade. And Stuart was accepted into the continuing education program at Albright College to finish his bachelor's of science degree.

Now, everyone is completely and utterly....overwhelmed!

It's amazing. We did manage to squeeze in a trip to Knoebel's with my parents, an overnight trip to Chincoteague/Assateague Islands, and our annual day of Camp Woohoohaha! But it was a tight squeeze. (And despite the millions of bites we all sustained while visiting the islands, all three kids were trying to figure out how to move down there. *wink-grin*)

So there you have it. A recap of months and months of events in one or two paragraphs.

And there it is....my brain unloaded...I think.

Until I remember that a week from today our youngest turns 7!!!

Saturday Sweethearts

My three sweethearts!

A blast from the past. This was from 2011 or 2012. It's amazing how much they've changed over the years. You think they do the most changing when they're babies, and they probably do. But during the years that follow there's a lot of change happening.

Here are a few more:

And most recently:

December 2014

Saturday Sweethearts

Is it possible that these two are as big as they are? 

We feel so blessed by their close friendship, despite the 7.5 year age gap. It's going to be really hard on Ethan when Edward goes off to college one day. 

Until then, we'll enjoy these moments...

Wordless Wednesday

Sweet Sunday

A song from today's worship. Perfect after last week's tragedies, yes?

"I will trust the promise that you will carry me safe to shore!"

Wordless Wednesday

Saturday Sweetheart

Emily took this photo of our sweet Rosie. Doesn't she look festive?